My Stroke:
I had a stroke in 2008 leaving me with limited use of my right side and aphasia. I was in the hospital in ICU for about a week. I was having seizures which I am sure was making everything worse. By the time I got to rehab. I was so discouraged. I had lost use of my right side and my speech was severely affected. I could not write my name, draw a circle, bounce a ball, or communicate anything I wanted to say. Needless to say that was very frustrating.
Now I had to learn how to speak again, walk again, write again, dress myself again. How was I going to do all of this?? I asked myself that a lot.
I did not mention my mother passed away while I was in Rehab., I had been caring for her for 1 year before that. I knew she wasn't well. But I really did not expect her to die. I could not attend her funeral. I had to attend her viewing before anyone arrived, due to the excitement it would cause trying to communicate.
Well, that was just another whammy. I wasn't feeling sorry for myself. I was grieving the loss of my mother and the loss of my abilities. I was always very positive and preached positive thinking.
I just reluctantly took baby steps, but I worked on all my deficits daily. I had to in Rehab., they never gave me a break. For that, I am grateful. Some days I wanted to give up, I felt like "what's the use, my life will never be the same." In some ways that is true, but I really didn't know how strong I really was. I decided to never give up and prayed a lot.
My son was my biggest cheerleader. I felt his spirit connect with mine yearning for me to try as hard as I could to be his same mother that I used to be.
I could sense the fear in my daughters spirit, that I might never recover. I could sense my husbands spirit dreading this nightmare.
My friends stopped calling because I had difficulty communicating. I think they felt I was not the same person, and actually none of them visited. I had one very dear friend who sent cards weekly, I'd find myself waiting on that card because it reminded me she hadn't given up on me.
My sisters asked what they could do and did it. But no one really reached out and just let me be the way I was and hope and pray with me that I could and would recover. Except for my son, who knew how to love me through it. There is something that happens when you have a stroke, your spirit is exposed and the people around you, you can actually connect with their spirit. You can sense who is going to be strong enough to deal with you on this journey.
For some it is many. For some it is few, in my case it was few. But I am not complaining. I think it's a journey only you can decide to take with God and a few trusted caregivers.
I never asked myself "why me". Although I cried a lot. I found myself asking "where is my support?" I finally realized I was my support.
Support is a very tricky word for a person suffering from a stroke. They are still thinking clearly for the most part, but realizing everything is going to be hard and honestly I created a plan when I got home and just started. I practiced writing when I woke up in the morning with beginner books with the dotted lines for 2nd graders. I did a book a day. I could not write my name. I was determined to just write my name.
Then I walked up and down the stairs and it was hard. Then I cuddled with my dog, Lilly, whom I became very fond of. She saw right into my heart. I cried and and she comforted me. I took lots of naps. None of them alone, all of them with Lilly. Lilly was my saving grace and she still is.
My daughter bought me a WII Fit so I could bowl and use my right arm and practice coordination. I got pretty good at bowling. That became a family thing that I felt a part of and it was excellent therapy for me.
My son asked me questions and I attempted to answer him. A lot of tears were shed when I realized my communication skills were all screwed up.
We searched for tools used in Rehab,
Where I was told to describe something. Something I remember being very hard but very effective. It made me cry every time I tried but it was making me search for words, descriptions. It also made me realize how bad my aphasia really was. But it was a great excercise.
It should be available for purchase for all Aphasia patients. I think searching for words is difficult but necessary. You think about it throughout the day, and suddenly it comes to you. That is success....
I was lucky enough to have a husband to take over the chores such as laundry, cooking and cleaning. Tasks like that were so overwhelming. I could wash a few dishes and never complete the full task. That was so frustrating.
I needed to concentrate on communicating, walking, writing and reading. If I needed to take care of a family right away, I do not think I could have made the progress I made.
I had the will to get better. But I don't think tough love would have worked with me. I already felt unloveable. That would have made me feel like a burden. So I'm not so sure I agree with tough love in this instance.
When Stroke survivors cry, that's normal, but if someone is treating them with tough love, it's like saying, " snap the Hell Out of it, This has been going on LONG enough!" Then they cry from hurt, because they can't express themselves and they feel their only support is abandoning them.
I had a stroke in 2008 leaving me with limited use of my right side and aphasia. I was in the hospital in ICU for about a week. I was having seizures which I am sure was making everything worse. By the time I got to rehab. I was so discouraged. I had lost use of my right side and my speech was severely affected. I could not write my name, draw a circle, bounce a ball, or communicate anything I wanted to say. Needless to say that was very frustrating.
Now I had to learn how to speak again, walk again, write again, dress myself again. How was I going to do all of this?? I asked myself that a lot.
I did not mention my mother passed away while I was in Rehab., I had been caring for her for 1 year before that. I knew she wasn't well. But I really did not expect her to die. I could not attend her funeral. I had to attend her viewing before anyone arrived, due to the excitement it would cause trying to communicate.
Well, that was just another whammy. I wasn't feeling sorry for myself. I was grieving the loss of my mother and the loss of my abilities. I was always very positive and preached positive thinking.
I just reluctantly took baby steps, but I worked on all my deficits daily. I had to in Rehab., they never gave me a break. For that, I am grateful. Some days I wanted to give up, I felt like "what's the use, my life will never be the same." In some ways that is true, but I really didn't know how strong I really was. I decided to never give up and prayed a lot.
My son was my biggest cheerleader. I felt his spirit connect with mine yearning for me to try as hard as I could to be his same mother that I used to be.
I could sense the fear in my daughters spirit, that I might never recover. I could sense my husbands spirit dreading this nightmare.
My friends stopped calling because I had difficulty communicating. I think they felt I was not the same person, and actually none of them visited. I had one very dear friend who sent cards weekly, I'd find myself waiting on that card because it reminded me she hadn't given up on me.
My sisters asked what they could do and did it. But no one really reached out and just let me be the way I was and hope and pray with me that I could and would recover. Except for my son, who knew how to love me through it. There is something that happens when you have a stroke, your spirit is exposed and the people around you, you can actually connect with their spirit. You can sense who is going to be strong enough to deal with you on this journey.
For some it is many. For some it is few, in my case it was few. But I am not complaining. I think it's a journey only you can decide to take with God and a few trusted caregivers.
I never asked myself "why me". Although I cried a lot. I found myself asking "where is my support?" I finally realized I was my support.
Support is a very tricky word for a person suffering from a stroke. They are still thinking clearly for the most part, but realizing everything is going to be hard and honestly I created a plan when I got home and just started. I practiced writing when I woke up in the morning with beginner books with the dotted lines for 2nd graders. I did a book a day. I could not write my name. I was determined to just write my name.
Then I walked up and down the stairs and it was hard. Then I cuddled with my dog, Lilly, whom I became very fond of. She saw right into my heart. I cried and and she comforted me. I took lots of naps. None of them alone, all of them with Lilly. Lilly was my saving grace and she still is.
My daughter bought me a WII Fit so I could bowl and use my right arm and practice coordination. I got pretty good at bowling. That became a family thing that I felt a part of and it was excellent therapy for me.
My son asked me questions and I attempted to answer him. A lot of tears were shed when I realized my communication skills were all screwed up.
We searched for tools used in Rehab,
Where I was told to describe something. Something I remember being very hard but very effective. It made me cry every time I tried but it was making me search for words, descriptions. It also made me realize how bad my aphasia really was. But it was a great excercise.
It should be available for purchase for all Aphasia patients. I think searching for words is difficult but necessary. You think about it throughout the day, and suddenly it comes to you. That is success....
I was lucky enough to have a husband to take over the chores such as laundry, cooking and cleaning. Tasks like that were so overwhelming. I could wash a few dishes and never complete the full task. That was so frustrating.
I needed to concentrate on communicating, walking, writing and reading. If I needed to take care of a family right away, I do not think I could have made the progress I made.
I had the will to get better. But I don't think tough love would have worked with me. I already felt unloveable. That would have made me feel like a burden. So I'm not so sure I agree with tough love in this instance.
When Stroke survivors cry, that's normal, but if someone is treating them with tough love, it's like saying, " snap the Hell Out of it, This has been going on LONG enough!" Then they cry from hurt, because they can't express themselves and they feel their only support is abandoning them.
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