THE BEGINNING

I am creating this doc of what I was feeling during the first days of coherent awareness as a stroke survivor hope it helps you!

I remember first coming around not being able to speak and not being able to move my left half of my body. I will say it was the scariest point in time of my life!

I remember saying to myself I can just shake this off............telling myself, like any illness, I will feel better in a few days. 

Than it hit me like a brick wall just fell on me! 

This is very serious! This event is not just going to go away like a cold!

I am paralyzed on my left side, I can't speak words I can only think them, I can't sit up in bed without falling over this is very serious! But I still found myself convinced I was just going to get up from my bed and walk out of here!

After all it's me! How bad can it be?

I’ve always been the type of guy that gets up after being knocked down!

I had to face the fact that this was not going away! This reality scared the shit out of me! This can't be happening to me! Brain aneurysm? Stroke? I didn't even know what they were. I've heard about them, but they happen to other people but not me! This realization brought on a flood of emotions.......... Anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and more!

I found myself lying in my hospital bed, scared to no end, confused and angry and battling denial!

I had to fight like never before in my life! Fight to retain who I was as a person!

One of the hardest emotions I battled was the inability to tell my family how scared I was and how I loved them and needed them! Again I could think it but had no ability to verbalize it..............my speech was gone.

In a blink of an eye my life as I knew was over and a new life had occurred.

TO BE CONTINUED…………………